


Protecting her

by thousand_miles



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-08-29 06:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16738981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thousand_miles/pseuds/thousand_miles
Summary: Melinda May got captured and tortured. When Phil finally rescues her he has to deal with his own guilt for failing her. He wants to protect her from the world and keep her safe even though she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know Melinda May is more than capable of taking care of herself. Yet, there’s a part of me that wants Phil to take care of her, to protect her, to keep her safe. Though he doesn’t truly show it, I believe it’s something he feels and struggles with. Struggles with the professional side of him that needs to trust het capabilities as a great agent and his personal side that wants to keep her from any harm. I wanted to explore that. This is exactly that. I don’t know where this fic is going. I’m just going to wait and see.   
> I hope you’ll like it

Ignoring his team’s warnings in his ear piece as well as those behind him, he broke down the door and barged into the room. His rage got the best of him when he saw her captor huddled over her her, tying her wrists together. He grabbed the guy by the collar and threw him to the floor. Not giving him a chance to get back up, he held the guy down and started punching him. His anger, his need for revenge all coming to the surface. The assailants who’d kidnapped her had send them videos of them torturing Melinda. He had managed to hold it together while watching the images, but they had cut him deeply. He had to watch it though, trying to spot any clue to her location. She had been missing for two weeks before they’d finally located her. He blamed himself for that, just as he did for her capture. He had send her in there while his intel had been insufficient. 

“Coulson!” Daisy yelled at him and grabbed his shoulder, stopping him from beating the man to a pulp. “Stop it.” She had never seem him this out of control. He’d been on edge ever since May’s capture. It was clear to everyone that he’d been barely holding it together. “I’ve got him, okay. You need to focus on May.” She knew that was the only way to get him to stop beating the guy. 

“Melinda.” He whispered, immediately pushing the man away and making his way over to her.  
Curled in a fetal position in the corner of the room, Melinda seemed to be barely holding on. He kneeled down beside her and touched her shoulder hoping to reassure himself that she was still with him.

Her reaction to his touch was not at all what he hoped it would be, a reassurance. Instead she made a weak attempt to hit him on the shoulder and tried to scream at him. Her voice was however raw from over use, he guessed from screaming. All she managed to get out was a scratchy no. He wanted to hold her in his arms, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know the extent of her injuries yet and he didn’t want to risk making them worse. 

“Where’s Simmons?” He asked Daisy. 

“They got caught in an altercation. We need to get May to the Bus.” 

He looked from Daisy back to Melinda and back to Daisy again. “I don’t want to hurt her more.” He said softly. 

“I know, but the sooner we get her on the Bus, the sooner Simmons can start working on her.” 

He nodded. Daisy was right. “Melinda.” He whispered, hoping he was getting through to her, but doubting her was. Gently he turned her on her back and judging by her soft cries, he knew he was hurting her. It was also the first time he could take her in. Her shirt was bloodied and ripped apart. They had made several cuts on her chest. Her face was bruised and battered, dried blood at her cracked lips and her eyebrow. He was worried she had a head injury. Her eyes were glazed over. He doubted she knew what was going on. “Come here.” He said before he gently wrapped his arms around her to get her to sit up. For a moment she struggled against him, but it lacked any strength. “It’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He was relieved when she stopped struggling. He took his suit jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders to keep her warm as well as covering her ripped apart shirt. He saw how she grabbed the jacket and held it tightly. She was leaning heavily against him. When he gently wrapped his arm around her, she whimpered and he immediately apologized. He didn’t want her to hurt anymore and even more importantly he didn’t want to be the one to hurt her. He put his other arm under her knees and carefully stood up, lifting her in his arms. She sagged against him, her head settling on his shoulder and pushed her nose against his neck. Holding her in his arms, he could feel her ribs against his chest. She had clearly lost too much weight. He turned around and nodded at Daisy, indicating she should precede him. He was counting on her, with Melinda in his arms there was nothing he could do if they encountered anymore hostiles. 

They were almost at the Bus when Melinda pushed her nose against his neck. “Phil?” She whispered in a scratchy voice. She wasn’t really sure if he was really there. It was difficult for her to distinct reality from what she suspected were hallucinations. In her mind Phil had been there to rescue her several times already and every time had felt real. Each time she felt a sense of relief she was confronted again with her captors torturing her and each time her hope was crushed. Eventually she managed to accept that her mind was playing tricks on her and she was left on her own to survive. She closed herself off and as the torture went on and though she tried to keep fighting back, there really wasn’t much fight in her anymore. These arms around her were strong and felt real. It was the scent though, his scent that made her feel safe and made her think this might all be real. Before, his scent had never been there. Was it really over and was he really here?

He was so happy to hear her voice again. “It’s me Melinda.”

There was no power left in her body. She couldn’t wrap her arms around him, couldn’t hold him tight. What she could do was finally rest, rest her body and mind and she did so immediately. 

He felt her body sag against him and panicked. He didn’t know what was happening. He had to get her to the Bus quickly. “Daisy!” He didn’t care how he sounded, didn’t care that as a leader he needed to be the one to stay calm and collected. He knew he could count on his team. He was in no state to be in control. 

He was relieved when he could finally walk up the ramp of the Bus and made his way to the infirmary where Simmons was already waiting for him. Gently he lay her down on the bed. He was reluctant to step away from her, but Simmons pushed him aside and immediately went to work. It was Daisy who led him out of the room. 

“Go get cleaned up.” His shirt and face were covered in blood. His knuckles bruised and bloodied. He would need to get them looked at.

“I don’t want to leave her alone.” He couldn’t. Not when he finally had her safe with him after two weeks. “I can’t.” He muttered. He needed her to know she was no longer alone. 

“Simmons is working on her. There’s nothing you can do now. Get cleaned up, get some rest so you can be at her side when she wakes up.”

“What if...” He couldn’t finish that sentence. Still if something were to happen, he had to be there.

“I’ll stay here. In case anything happens, I’ll get you immediately. Okay?”

He still wasn’t sure. He shook his head. “No. I need to know first. After that I’ll get cleaned up.”

There was no changing his mind and so Daisy nodded. She watched him grab a chair and sit down. During May’s disappearance he’d been fueled by a determination that he was going to find her. The longer it took, the harder it seemed for him to hang on to that determination. But he’d held on. Now though, now that she was here with him again, it seemed like all that had held him together, had left him. He wasn’t hanging on anymore. He was ready to fall apart because of the guilt he felt. It was written all over his face. She quietly grabbed a chair too and sat down next to him. “We got her. She’ll be okay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know because she’s Melinda May. She’s the strongest person I know.”

She was indeed the strongest person he knew. But he knew how broken she could be. He’d seen so after Bahrain. It had been so hard for her to recover from that. He’d been afraid to lose her and he almost had. She’d pushed everyone away, closed herself off from the world. He’d stayed at her side though, silently letting her know he was there for her. It had changed their friendship, but it had never changed his love for her. Ever since she’d joined him on the Bus he’d started to see flashes of the Melinda before Bahrain. She was joking around again, she was connecting with the team. In a way they were becoming their own little family and she wasn’t shying away from that or them. Most of all their friendship had thrived again. At times it seemed that no time had passed. They were in sync, they didn’t need words, a mere look was enough. Her eyes, they could tell stories if she let you see them and she was letting him. He could get lost in her. He had loved Melinda May for many years though it had not always been a romantic love. He had been in love with her for a few of those years. These last two years it had grown stronger and it had become a part of him. He kept it from her, mostly because he didn’t want to ruin what they had, but also because he didn’t know where he stood with her. He hadn’t overtly made his feelings for her clear, though there were lingering touches, quiet dinners, moments in his office and he often found himself staring at her. If she noticed, she had never mentioned it and it seemed for the best he kept his thoughts to himself. She was a part of him and she was there in everything he did. 

Time passed and as they returned back to the Playground Simmons kept working on Melinda. Fitz, Mack, Bobbi, Lance they all came to check up on them. Daisy stayed by his side. At one point, she had to hold him back by his shoulders, to stop him from barging into the room. It was when Melinda’s heart stopped beating. He stood with his forehead against the window, his shoulders hunched and his palms splayed against the window. This couldn’t be it, this couldn’t be their end. There was still so much he wanted to share with her. So much of himself he needed to share with her. Daisy’s hand on his shoulder gave him some strength. 

“She’s back.” She practically whispered. She couldn’t get him to sit back down on the chair. He stayed there, leaning against the windows, his eyes focused solely on Melinda.

Finally Simmons came out and informed them about Melinda’s injuries. She barely got through to him. After Simmons had said she was going to be okay yet recovery was going to be long and difficult, he’d made his way back to the chair and slumped down on it. He held his head in his hands and took a deep breath. “Thank you Jemma.” After a couple of minutes he stood up and walked back to the window. He glanced at Melinda one more time and left the room. 

Back in his bedroom, after a short shower, he sat down on his bed. His feelings were a jumbled mess. They went from anger to relief, from guilt to happiness. The anger prevailed. He should have protected her. It was his job to protect her. If she ever heard him say that she would give him a hard time for it. He knew Melinda was more than capable of taking care of herself. She was his best Agent. This need to protect her, to keep her safe was irrational. He always carried it with him and kept it from her. It was there and whenever she got hurt it threatened to get the upper hand. He had managed to fight it each time. This time he had lost. His need to protect her, to keep her safe had fueled his anger and insecurities. It had led them to her. It was still there, simmering too close to the surface. All he wanted was to walk into the infirmary, wrap her in his arms, hold her close and protect her against all the evil in the world. Exhausted he fell back onto his bed and crawled beneath the sheets. He needed to try to get some sleep.

TBC


	2. Andrew and Phil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Phil talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apparently did something wrong while posting the first chapter because it said chapter 1/1 but this is not a one chapter fic. I’m not sure how many chapters this one will be. I am unsure where this fic is going to go. I have no idea. All I know is that I want protective Phil and sweet Phil and I don’t know how Melinda’s going to react to it.   
> Thanks to all who read the first chapter, who left kudos and who left comments. I appreciate it even more because I realize that Phil is out of character, but I just want to explore that protective and sweet side. I hope you enjoy the conversation in this next chapter. It’s a rather short chapter but it seemed a good stopping point.

Chapter two

After a restless night, filled with images of Melinda’s beaten up body, Phil was at Melinda’s side again. She looked a bit better, mostly because they had cleaned her up. Still she looked so fragile, something he knew she would dislike. It resurfaced his need to protect her again and he quickly tried to push it away. She’d made it through the night. Simmons couldn’t tell him when she would wake up. Her body needed time to heal. So he sat and waited, holding her hand in his. Sometimes she would whimper and shift around in the bed. He was afraid demons haunted her in her dreams. She always settled down when he caressed her hair and told her it was him and he was there for her. He was happy there was still something he could do for her after failing her so miserably. He talked to her about everything and nothing, hoping it would keep her demons away. 

There was a soft knock on the door and he wanted to wave the person away. He just wanted to be there with her. Then there was another knock and he looked over his shoulder. Seeing who was there on the other side of the window made him stand up immediately. Before he left, he ran his hand over her hair. “I’ll be right back.” He whispered.

“Andrew.” He greeted the man, closing the door behind him. 

“Phil.” Andrew glanced over Phil’s shoulder to the woman on the bed. “I need to see her. After that we need to talk.” 

Phil nodded. He watched Andrew with Melinda for a while before turning away. Making his way to his office he watched his team. They all seemed somewhat defeated and he realized it would take them some time to get through this. It was probably for the best if they all took a break. He would try and see what he could arrange. Back at his office he looked at all the paperwork that still needed to be done. The pile on his desk wouldn’t get any thinner with him just staring at it. Reluctantly he started. Maybe it would keep him distracted from Melinda and Andrew. He had gotten through quite a few documents before there was a knock on his door. Andrew. He closed the file and set it aside. He straightened up and called for Andrew to enter. 

Both men sat in silence staring at each other. Phil behind his desk, Andrew on the other side as if they were having just another meeting. The silence was uncomfortable. 

“You were supposed to keep her safe.” Andrew ended the silence. 

Count on the psychologist to get straight to the point. “I know.” 

“This is the second time you failed her.”

First time being Bahrain. “I know.” He really did. He didn’t need Andrew to point that out to him.

Andrew tilted his head and observed the man sitting across from him. He knew Phil as long as he’d known Melinda. Phil had never been a difficult man to read. Now even more so. Sitting across from him was a broken man who was barely holding it together because the woman he loved had been captured, had been holding on to life by a thread and was now in the infirmary recovering. “You need to do a better job. Bahrain broke her. I don’t want her to go through that again.” 

“You think I do?”

Andrew shook his head. “Yet here we are.”

Pushing his chair back Phil stood up. “I don’t need you to pile up the guilt okay. I’m more than capable to do that myself.” He got from behind his desk and started pacing the floor. “I hate that I wasn’t there. I hate I made such a big error that almost cost me the most important person in my life. I hate my self for not being able to protect her. It’s my job to protect her and I failed. So if you came here just to scold me, than there’s no need. I’ve got that covered.” 

Andrew held his hands up in surrender. He’d goaded the guy. Sometimes you needed to push a button to get Phil to really open up. He knew Phil and Melinda had never crossed any lines during his marriage to Melinda, yet he hadn’t been blind either. There was a deep connection between the two. Phil understood her in a way that he couldn’t. Maybe that was because of their jobs. After Bahrain, after the divorce, it seemed that only Phil was able to reach that part of her that she’d closed off to the world. He was happy Phil had brought her back from the brick. He was grateful for that. “You can’t keep doing this Phil.”

“I know. I need to do better.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” 

Confused he looked at Andrew. “You lost me.”

“I don’t think I did.” Andrew stood up and briefly put his hand in Phil’s shoulder. “Take care of her. Don’t fail her again.”

TBC....


	3. A restless night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil comforts Melinda during the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s finally chapter three. It was a bit of a struggle. I’m still trying to for that closeness between them. I still want Phil to feel protective of Melinda. I hope it’s not boring. To those who read, left comments and kudos, thank you!
> 
> Also, I finally started on S3 of Agents of Shield. Liking Phil’s new look (the jeans) a lot though I miss the suits. Plus his confession of losing his right hand too because Melinda is gone. And then there’s their talk when they first see each other again. Great scene.

Chapter three

It was the middle of the night and he couldn’t sleep. He made his way through the corridors to the infirmary. He needed to be with Melinda. He’d spend the entire day going back and forth between his office and the infirmary. So far Melinda hadn’t woken up yet. He didn’t want to leave her alone at night. He wasn’t sure if nightmares were plaguing her, but if they were he wanted to be there to reassure her. Quietly he slipped into her room, grabbed the chair and pulled it closer to her bed. He covered her hand with his, needing to feel the connection.   
He sat there, in the dim infirmary lights, listening to machine beeping, indicating her heart beat. He needed her to wake up. He needed her back with him. He watched how his much bigger hand covered her small, elegant one. “You can’t leave me Melinda. I’m not ready yet.” He stared at the monitor and continued. “I need you. This can’t be it for us. There’s so much we still need to do.” He squeezed her hand, hoping she’d squeeze back, but she didn’t. “I want to hold your hand. I want to take you out, go dancing and see all the men in the room turn their heads when you walk by. And I want to look at them and smile, knowing I’m the luckiest guy in the world to know I’m the one you chose to be with. I want you to choose me. I’ve wanted that for years but I’ve always been too afraid to jeopardize our friendship.., our partnership. So I stood by and watched you date other men, watched you get married to Andrew. I tried to forget about you, but whenever I dated someone, I compared her to you and no one can ever come close to you. Even Audrey, who was wonderful and I loved her, but she wasn’t you, Mel. You’ve gotta give me a chance. This can’t be it for us. This can’t end without it ever starting. Please fight. Fight to come back to us, to come back to me.”

A knock on the glass door interrupted him from his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder and there was Jemma. 

“I’m just going to check her vitals.” She said timidly. She didn’t want to interrupt Coulson’s moment, but she needed to check on May. She’d never seen him this unbalanced before and there was only one person who could bring him back. The woman lying in the hospital bed. 

While putting the vitals in the system and checking them over again May became restless again. Her heartbeat increased and she started to move as if she was wrestling with something or someone. A moment later she started to whimper. 

“She has nightmares.” Phil said as he focused on Melinda. “She’s always had them, ever since Bahrain.” He gently touched her hair. “I don’t want her to have new ones.” 

Melinda’s whimpers and movements increased as if whatever was chasing or holding her in her nightmares was increasing. 

“All this moving around isn’t doing her body any good. I don’t want her to tear any stitches or hurt herself.” Jemma moved to grab a sedative. 

“No,” Phil said, “don’t give her a sedative. She doesn’t like them. They make her feel out of control. I don’t want her to feel like that.” 

“Then you have to calm her down, sir.”

“I will.” He stood up and leaned over Melinda. His hand was still on her hair, his caress a bit firmer. “I’m here Melinda.” He whispered before leaning forward and brushing his lips against her forehead. “No one can hurt you.” His gently ran his hand from her shoulder to her arm and back up again. Though she settled down for a bit, the whimpers and movements didn’t stop. 

He knew Simmons was still there. “Can you leave us alone?” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Call me if you need me.” 

As soon as he stopped caressing her, Melinda’s movements and whimpers increased again. All he wanted was for her to feel safe again. He gently moved her on the bed to make room for himself. He toed off his sneakers and got into the bed and wrapped his arms around Melinda. “I’m here Melinda.” He ran his hands up and down back, hoping it would sooth her. Finally, while he kept whispering to her that he was there for her, and he held her close she settled down. When she even snuggled closer he sighed in relief glad to have brought some peace of mind. He brushed his lips against her forehead once more. “I’ll keep the nightmares away.”   
The rest of the night Melinda stirred every once in a while but Phil managed to calm her down each time. He was glad that after he’d failed her so badly, he was finally able do something for her. He hardly slept, only allowing himself a light slumber, so he could help her if she needed him. At some point she’d turned on his side towards him. For a moment he let himself enjoy the closeness, enjoy how she sought him out in her sleep, how she tried to get closer. But he knew if she stayed on her side, she would be in even more pain. Reluctantly he helped her onto her back again. He slid a bit closer to her hoping that she would feel that he was close. It was early morning when he finally fell asleep no longer able to fight the exhaustion. 

It was Jemma who found them that morning. The small hospital bed was far from ideal for two people especially one who was injured and in recovery. She knew they both needed each other and this was beneficial for both their recoveries. Coulson was on his side turned towards May, his arm slung loosely over her waist and his head on her pillow. May had her head turned towards him. She felt like she was intruding on a very private moment but she had to check on the patient. She quietly entered the room.

“Sir.” She said softly. Coulson woke up immediately and she noticed the panic his eyes. “I’m just here to check up on her. Also I wasn’t sure if you wanted the others to find you like this.” Though Coulson’s feelings for May were hardly a secret around the base, she knew he wouldn’t want anyone to seem them like this. 

Phil sat up before swinging his legs over the side of the bed to stand up. He ran a hand over his face. He still felt exhausted. He was glad though Melinda had gotten through the night without any complications. He was also grateful Jemma woke him up before anyone else could walk in on them. He felt very protective of Melinda and knew she wouldn’t want people to see her like this. He also didn’t want any talk about them around the base. “Thank you Jemma.” He murmured. 

“Why don’t you try to get some more sleep?” She suggested.

He walked to the other side of the bed and lingered at Melinda’s side. He didn’t want to leave her side. 

“Nothing’s going to happen to her.” 

He nodded. He ran his hand over her hair and leaned in til his lips touched her forehead. “I’ll be back, Melinda.” He whispered. At the door he looked at her once more and left. He knew she was in good hands with Jemma. 

TBC...


End file.
